An attempt to address the situation resulted in an emotional earthquake – due to bottled up Feelings. Rather than express his Feelings, Father suppressed them for the sake of Wife Laurie. Aligning with her was most important as she consistently nourishes his Heart Aura in so many ways.
Emotional Earthquakes from Bottled Up Feelings
Suppressing Feelings for the Greater Good
How Laurie nourishes my Heart Aura
Let us apply our insights regarding the necessity of Attention to our Core Auras, Feelings, mental energy and such to Conflagration #2. Will this fresh perspective facilitate understanding of this messy 5.0 Emotional Earthquake? And how does this explosive Experience inform and refine my Model? Frequently seems to be a two-way street. Many, if not most of us are guilty of hiding from the emotions that drive our lives.
Let’s set the scene: Four Actors, the usual suspects (Father, Mother, Daughter and Boyfriend), sitting around the campfire (actually our living room) – after a satisfying feast at a local restaurant – scrumptious Chicken Pot Pie accompanied by a fresh peach salad and Korean BBQ sandwich with house–made bread for dinner and exquisite donut/crullers for dessert – all accompanied by local beers on draft – and paid for by me – as always.
Over dinner, the Auras of the two male protagonists, or antagonists in this case, had clashed regarding the runaway Broadway hit – Hamilton. One, the Boyfriend, calling it trash – as it panders to the public and they didn’t sing rap back then – even though he had only listened to less than 5 minutes of the soundtrack. The other, the Father, deeming it an incredible work of genius – presenting a new perspective on a significant historical time period via the poetry of rap with a multiracial cast and immigrants –stressing tolerance in a time of extreme intolerance. Having read the historical work Hamilton upon which the play was based and having repeatedly listened to the sound track.
Wanting to validate the ability to clash without animosity, Father compliments Boyfriend. So far so good.
But then Father continues to say that he sometimes deliberately catalyzes conflict in order to generate a controlled burn to prevent an out-of-control conflagration. Mixing metaphors, he initiates a small 4.0 emotional earthquake to avoid an 8.0 – which is so destructive that it can easily lead to a permanent rupture.
Boyfriend challenges this strategy – calling it unnecessary and manipulative. Daughter joins in to support this more moderate approach to relationships.
Father defends position saying that he is not really in charge. His Feelings drive his Aura to engage with other Auras in such a manner. No personal agency involved.
Boyfriend: A copout – a way of avoiding personal responsibility for our behavior. It is necessary and possible to control our emotions – expressing them in a kind, rather than hostile or obnoxious, fashion.
Father: You give me too much credit. Emotions come unbidden from the depths of our soul. Sometimes it is necessary to express, rather than suppress, these Feelings. Rather than malicious agency, it is a simple expression from the heart. Besides Nature frequently provides these Emotions for reasons that are unbeknownst to us.
Boyfriend: You have more control than you admit.
Father: If Feelings are suppressed for too long, they can explode out – creating an angry out-of-control emotional earthquake. Driven inward these suppressed Feelings fester and mold – ultimately resulting in a downward emotional spiral that leads to a sense of inadequacy and even Depression.
Mother: There are better and worse ways of expressing Feelings.
Daughter chimes in to support Boyfriend and Mother: Rather than instigate conflict, why not aim for harmony.
Father: Impossible sometimes. Important to express Feelings – even if in an inappropriate manner. We are not perfect. Better poorly than not at all. Better to have a small earthquake to relieve some pressure.
Boyfriend and Mother: How about an example?
Father: Can’t. Am not allowed to talk about certain topics.
Daughter explodes: Dad you have violated my trust. You agreed not to talk about your relationship in front of my Boyfriend. I demand an apology.
Father is silent.
Boyfriend: Now you have upset your daughter – causing her pain. Is that what you wanted?
Father remains silent.
Boyfriend: What did you hope to accomplish? What do you have to say for yourself? Does this make you happy?
Father: Actually yes. I did nothing wrong. Besides I am finally getting the attention that I deserve. And an Emotional explosion is sort of exciting – relieves tension – a memorable experience – as long as no harm was intended.
Here was the 4.0 Earthquake that I was talking about and secretly hoping for. Inappropriate expression of Feelings: hostilely demanding an apology. Who cares? Not necessarily a bad thing to feel pain. Toughens us emotionally. Strengthens our relationships – raises the anti-fragility.
Suppress, suppress: Discordant Rupture or the Death Spiral. Neither good.
Feelings are Nature’s way of moving us forward – motivating us to transcend ourselves. We can choose how, when or whether, but we must ultimately obey Nature’s mysterious commands.
So what does this have to do with the ID model? The Experience led to a deeper understanding of Feelings – a key component of our ID system.
If unexpressed, the strength of specific Feelings grow with each experiential cycle. The unexpressed Feelings become stronger and stronger. The pressure builds. If expressed in small ways along the way, no buildup, no pressure, no earthquake. However, this particular earthquake had been building for years and was due. Just glad it wasn’t bigger – no ad hominum (personal) attacks – hopefully no long-lasting harm. Although emotionally drained, we went on to enjoy the rest of their stay.
Fascinating week with Daughter and Boyfriend. So many new discoveries on the emotional Feelings level. Packed with chapters of material. Let us commence with the biggest insight of all.
It is most important for me to serve Wife Laurie – in the sense of sublimating my personal Feelings to her desires.
“Why?” you might ask. “In your recent Emotional Earthquake section, you were spouting off about how important it is to express Feelings – as the buildup of unexpressed emotions results inevitably in a violent rupture or depression.”
A recent explosive encounter began with me exploring the possibility of expressing my Feelings of Anger to Daughter and Boyfriend to defuse potential tensions – avoid a big Earthquake later.
Me: “Will you stand behind me?”
L: “Absolutely not. It would destroy the harmony for the rest of their visit. Later maybe, not now.”
Me: “It seems important to express, rather than suppress Feelings. Maybe I will go ahead on my own.”
L pleading: “Please No! If not for them, for me.”
Emotions aroused – No resolution in sight – We part angrily – throwing out some mean words at each other.
Aurgh! An internal battle:
Self-righteous Self: “Must express Feelings. Essential to express Feelings. Good for all involved. Will be a great emotional release of internal pressure.”
Holistic Self: “But Laurie will be pissed. You live with her. Life will be miserable between you. Could lead to a long-term rift. Don’t be an idiot! She treats you right on many levels. Do you want to risk all of that for a momentary expression of your personal Feelings?”
Mind: “Hmmm? Good point. Let me see: instant gratification or endless Hell? Your money or your Life? Give me some time to weigh alternatives. Duh.”
Let us count the ways that Laurie treats me well on daily levels.
Recent articles have stressed the importance of engaging the Heart Aura – investing Attention in the image streams (the topics) that are most important to another. Laurie touches my Spot (the Core of my Aura) quite regularly. She enquires about my varied interests: my writing – tai chi class – conversations with others. She listens politely as I ramble on endlessly about the books I am reading. We sleep together nightly and she allows me to touch her naked body (although she won’t touch mine).
Further, she reluctantly allowed/allows Eleana (my female side – my Musa) out of the closet. She may insult Eleana when she comes out, but at least she allows her out.
Plus believe it or not, there is more. Besides liberating Eleana (even though she curses her) and being ‘nice’ to my Heart Aura – two huge factors; there are two more. All four are ‘big’.
1) Regularly attending to my Core – so important for personal power – self esteem.
2) Liberating Eleana is no small thing, as she is an expression of my Innate Nature.
3) Allowing, even encouraging our Auras to join together as one in the Bike Realm.
Rather than resent or shun my innate sexual polarity, my androgyny, she has initiated me into Bike society and customs, including etiquette, gear, and outfits. Bicycling has been good for me in many ways: my back (operated upon recently) – directly experience local beauty on our routes – increased fitness. Probably this increase in inner vitality even manifests/comes out as Eleana – Laurie’s curse. Quite an exceptional human being, L even sees to it that I have a nice bike and in working order. Enlightened self-interest – someone to ride with her – someone to share her Passion – her Heart Aura.
4) She allows me to express my Feelings – privately.
We occasionally have relationship talks (many times regarding Eleana). Frequently both of us end up with hurt Feelings. We experience this emotional pain because we are not nice/kind to each other – instead hard. But these minor quakes are invigorating – drawing us much closer together – realizing that our relationship is more important than words, ideas or even Feelings.
With all these incredibly significant processes occurring on a regular basis, I would be a fool to risk a permanent rupture in any way. To be nice to my Aura, I need to be ‘nice’ to Laurie’s Aura – if I know what is good for me.
So how do I handle all of my suppressed Feelings? How can I prevent them from leading to a Quake or Depression? How do I temper the buildup of pressure from these silenced Emotions that wakes me up in the middle of the night from a deep slumber?
A Muslim woman activist that I met on a long train ride from London to Scotland gave me this advice: “If you can’t prevent injustice, speak out. If you can’t speak out, write against injustice. If you can’t write, think it. But don’t give in. Wait for an opportunity.”